Me, again

Spending Challenge, Day zzzzzzzzzzzz

2012-01-11T16:00:00.003-05:00

Here's my revelation of the moment. This challenge is BORING.

My yoga challenge was awesome, because I was pushing myself to do something that I normally love to do. Easy peasy. This challenge is all about denying myself something that I normally enjoy. I wouldn't necessarily say that I love spending money on lots of random things, but it does give me a certain amount of pleasure in the moment.

Also, the yoga challenge provided me with instant gratification. I was calmer, and more flexible, and got to feel all proud of myself for getting up at whatever-o-clock to get some me time. This time, there's no real reward from day to day. It's actually more like a punishment, in that I am not getting something that I want. Although, I do anticipate being very proud of myself when I finish it, and I will definitely need some sort of material reward. Maybe I finally can get one of those yoga mats I keep eyeing!

I know, I know. Big picture, big girl panties, all that stuff. I'm going to keep doing it, of course. But I want the world to know that I'm doing it because it's good for me, and not because it's fun. Like going to the dentist. Not anyone's first choice, but a necessary one.

Checklist:

Jan 6-7 (Week 0): Starbucks 1/1 possible days; Lunch from home 1/1 possible days. (See what I'm doing there? I'm not counting weekends. Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater! I will have to rethink that, and either put a whole helluva lot more effort into weekends than I normally do, or extend the challenge to 30 work days.)

Jan 8-11 (Week 1): Starbucks 0/0 possible days; Purchased lunch 3/3 possible days so far, and I'm going out for lunch with my colleagues on Friday. Which means I'm not going to make my lunch goal this week.

Related Reading: Check this out! One of my totally awesome girlfriends has started her own blog, on a similar topic: Things I Did Not Buy. As the title suggests, it's about things that she thought about buying, but didn't. There must be something in the air. :)

Spending challenge - who's a clever girl?

2012-01-09T11:19:00.003-05:00

Well, not me, apparently. I *just now* had the brilliant idea that this challenge probably exists out there on the internet, probably in multiple forms. Draw up a budget, stick to it. Surely I'm not the only one who has trouble with this sort of thing, and I bet there are tons of resources out there to help me through it. And likely in a more structured manner than what I've been doing.

So that's my goal for this week, to find a good budget challenge, and get it set up.

As for the current version of the challenge - so far so good. I have started making notes of the things I want to buy, as they occur to me. I'm not tracking the little impulses, but the things I would actually spend time thinking about, researching, and then potentially buying, if not for the challenge. I wish I could say I'm surprised at how many there are, but I'm not - I know I spend too much. I wouldn't have set this goal for myself if I didn't, right? :)

So, nothing new to report right now. Just a couple of insights into the blindingly obvious!

New Year, new challenge

2012-01-05T12:47:00.005-05:00

I have kind of fallen off the yoga bandwagon in the past month - not entirely, but I'm certainly not as dedicated as I was when I was doing the challenge. I blame December, with all its crazy busy-ness and lack of routine. But I have kept up with my spinning, and I did a 60-minute Spynga class on Dec 31st, and a 90-minute class on Jan 1st, and I got up early yesterday to do a home session, so I'm not off the mat entirely. I'll get it back.

And I have also decided on a new 30-day challenge: no unnecessary spending. I tend to go through money like water, especially at this time of year with so much Christmas spending going on. (One present for DD, one for me. One present for DS, one for me. And so on.) My debt load is pretty manageable, so I'm not too worried about that, but I really think I could do better when it comes to buying things. So, here we go: 30 days of no unnecessary spending, starting tomorrow. (I would start today, but I just bought myself a book I've been wanting, as a way of tiding myself over!)

Of course, this all depends on my definition of "necessary," and history has shown that I can be pretty liberal with that one when it suits me. :) So I'm going to lay out the rules beforehand.

First, the easy ones:

100% Necessary (buy as needed):
~Food from the grocery store
~Diapers, wipes, formula for the baby
~Yoga/Spinning classes (necessary for my mental and physical health. I just purchased a 10-class pack, so I should be okay for the duration of the challenge.)
~Medications for anyone in the family

0% Necessary (and therefore not allowed):
~Clothes, shoes, scarves, jewellery for myself
~Books or magazines for anyone in the family (including e-books)
~Toys for the children
~Yoga accessories (I have an unhealthy obsession with yoga mats, even though I don't actually want a new one. This will stop me from looking at them, and will free up some valuable brain space!)

And I have a third category for Planned Treats. These are things that are not strictly necessary, but which I buy a lot - and this is where the challenge really comes in. I don't think I will be able to eliminate these things entirely, but I should be able to cut down quite a lot.

~Starbucks. I love Starbucks. And I'm also lazy, so I am perfectly happy to buy a new coffee every day, rather than making it myself. So for this challenge, I will limit my coffee-and-cookie purchases to no more than twice a week. The rest of the time, I will make coffee at work or at home, and buy cookies from the grocery store.

~Lunch from the cafeteria, Tim Hortons, etc. I would love to be able to eliminate this entirely, but I don't think that's realistic. I'm working against a habit of almost a decade, of buying my lunch nearly every day. Honestly, I would say I bring my lunch from home no more than a couple of times a month. It's unhealthy and it's expensive, but like I said. I'm lazy. So I don't think I can quit cold turkey - that's more of a challenge than I'm up for right now.

So I will limit my lunch purchases to three times a week, and bring lunch from home at least twice a week. This may not sound like a lot, but it is a big improvement from what I've been doing. Once the thirty days is up, I will re-evaluate and try to bump it up even more.

And like before, I will blog about it at least once a week. Mostly to keep myself honest, but also as a way of thinking about and working through any issues or hurdles that come up.

Yoga Challenge, Day 30 - DONE!

2011-12-07T10:17:00.004-05:00

I did it! Thirty classes in thirty days - or actually, thirty one classes in thirty days, because I decided to consider last Tuesday's third class as a bonus. :)

During that time, I also did seven spinning classes - including last night's, which involved a four-minute, an eight-minute, and a twelve-minute climb.

The whole point was to fit yoga into my regular life, without sacrificing too much of anything else. And I did it! The only time I missed a workout without making it up was the time there was a massive subway delay on my way to my spin class, and it took me an hour to go two stops. Other than that, I did everything as scheduled.

Whatever else I am, I am strong, and fit, and a whole lot bendier than I was thirty days ago!

Here's the rundown on the rules:

~30 classes in 30 days - done. Plus a bonus class, and of course all that spinning. :)

~Each program at least twice, and no more than three times - done.

~Long video (45 or 60 minutes) at least once a week - done. And that's not including my lunchtime sessions at work, which are also 45 minutes or so. I'm giving myself a bonus here too, since I did a long session at home the one day that lunchtime yoga was cancelled. So I actually did the long programs twice a week, every week.

~No more than one missed/made up session per week - nope. I did my best, and was fine Monday through Friday, but weekends were a bit of a struggle. I only missed (and then made up) four sessions through the whole program, so I did not too badly, but they did happen more than once a week sometimes.

~Blog at least once a week - done. I was definitely more enthusiastic towards the beginning than the end, but I did get it in at least once every week. Next time, I may up the ante a bit, and aim for twice a week instead.

So basically, I exceeded my own expecatations in every area except the missed/made up part. I'm very pleased with myself, I think I've really accomplished something here.

I'm going to keep it up, too. Tomorrow, I'm going to treat myself to one full day of no yoga. Although we'll see if it ends up being a treat - I might really want to do it! I find myself waking up a few minutes before six o'clock most mornings anyway, ready to get up and stretch. So I may have to treat myself to something like "doing whatever my body wants to do, even if it involves waking up early." :) Then I'll make sure I do one on Friday, and one this weekend, and I'm going to start this challenge on Monday with my good friend PZippy.

I'm looking forward to this one - it's going to be a whole different experience. For one thing, you're not expected to practice every single day. The goal here is to create an intention, and and to practice mindfulness every day, even if you don't practice yoga every day. Also, the physical practice is the same every day throughout the month - this is to give you time to really learn the poses, and to work on them at your own pace as you become more familiar with them. The goal is (eventually) to turn off the DVD and experiment with holding poses longer, more repetitions, whatever makes you feel good. That will be interesting for me - as I said earlier, I'm very externally motivated, and tend to feel that I need to follow the instructions exactly. So it will be good for me to expand my mental horizons as well.

Onward and...well, not upward exactly. Maybe onward and downward, as in downward dog. :) Definitely going onward, in any case!

~namaste~

Yoga Challenge, Day 24: Into the Home Stretch (ha!)

2011-12-01T10:09:00.006-05:00

Only a week left in my challenge now. And I'm definitely feeling better than I did on Sunday, now that the end is in sight. I'm still enjoying myself, but I'm looking forward to moving on to other things as well - more on that later.

In the meantime, I think now would be a good time to review the DVDs I've been using.

AM Yoga for Your Week, by Rodney Yee.

This one is by far my favourite, and the one I have used the most. It has five different 20-minute segments - I love the twists and the hip openers, like the standing poses and the forward bends, and could live without the back bends.

My only complaint is a minor one. There is no advance notice of the props he's using, so all of a sudden he'll say "pick up your strap", and I'm sitting there thinking "What strap? Where did that come from?" and then I have to either scramble around or modify the pose. Obviously, this problem disappeared as I became more familiar with the series, and as I remembered to plan ahead for my practice each day. :) But even so, a note somewhere indicating which props are used would be helpful.

This is a pretty easy series, and I don't think it will be too long before I outgrow it. But it will be good to keep around, for those days when I just need a quick twenty minute stretch break at some point.

Warrior Yoga, by Trudie Styler and James D'Silva

This DVD includes two vinyasa sequences, which are identical but for length - one is 50 minutes, one is 25.

I find this one a bit more challenging, for a couple of reasons. I do struggle with vinyasa a bit - I tend to like a bit of a slower pace, with more time to settle in to a pose before moving to the next one. There are also a couple of poses that are completely inaccessible to me, such as the Standing Splits, and the Marichyasana (never mind impossible, that one just looks painful!).

But on the whole, I'm really enjoying it. Apart from those two poses, the rest of them are right within my skill level, and I am getting better at the flow part, as much as I grumble about it. Clearly, the challenge aspect is good for me. There are also a couple of meditations on this DVD, which I'm looking forward to trying once the 30-30 challenge is over.

Yoga Burn, by Rodney Yee

I was really nervous about starting this one - the word "burn," and the language in general, seemed very aggressive to me, and a bit more yang-ish than my usually yin-ish self would prefer. But I tried it, and you know, it's not that bad! :) More vinyasa, but again the poses themselves are not too difficult for me.

The DVD itself is a bit of a nuisance, though. The only menu options are English and French, and for some reason the practice itself starts in the middle of a "chapter" after the introduction. So you can't skip straight to the practice, you have to scan through it and watch closely for the point where the sample poses end and the practice itself begins. Again, it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but there certainly would have been easier ways to set things up.

Yoga for Urban Living, by Hemalaya Behl

This was the first yoga DVD I ever bought. It has three sessions: Morning Quickie, Evening Bath, and Daily Connection. The morning and evening sessions are about 30 minutes each, and the Daily one is an hour.

The morning session starts with some breathing exercises, then some very gentle "opening" of the joints - roll your wrists, roll your ankles, etc. The sun salutations start about fifteen minutes in. The beginning is a bit too slow even for me, but on the other hand there's no reason I can't skip ahead to the good part if I want to. This is something else I struggle with - I tend to feel that the practice is set up a certain way for a reason, and therefore I have to follow it as written. Next time I'm going to be all rebellious and go straight to the sun salutations - look at me go!

The evening session is designed to be relaxing, and it certainly is that. It's a series of seated postures and twists, followed by a good long Savasana with a blanket. I love it. Again, this will be a good addition to my regular practice, once the challenge is finished and I have a bit more flexibility with my routine.

I did the Daily Connection session on Day 4, and I have to confess I don't remember much of it - there has been a lot of yoga in the meantime! I'm deliberately saving my second run-through of this one for the end, as a bit of a benchmark to see how far I've come in the past thirty days. I do remember that she wasn't always consistent with her lefts and rights, so there were places where the soundtrack didn't match what she was doing on the screen. I'm easily confused, but I'm sure I can figure it out. :)

What's up next? Well, I'm pretty sure I'll need some more videos, before I get too familiar with the ones I have. More vinyasas might be a good idea, to keep pushing out of my comfort zone a bit. And I'd like to find a good yin yoga DVD as well, and push myself in the other direction, towards holding poses longer than I normally would. The great thing is, once the challenge is over, I'll have the whole world of yoga open to me again, and be able to try all sorts of new things!

Yoga Challenge, Day 22 (Part 2): Yoga with a Three-Year-Old

2011-11-29T14:27:00.003-05:00

These are some of the questions my daughter has about yoga:

What's his name? (meaning, the person on the video)

Why isn't he talking?

What's the music for?

What's a strap? Why do you have a strap and he doesn't?

Why does he keep saying "good" all the time?

Is this my left leg, or my right leg?

Doing yoga with her has been a whole new experience for me. First, I have had to re-evaluate my definition of my own yoga practice, and assume that it will be a shared practice at least some of the time. And also, in this case, that the exercise is not necessarily the point - the quality time with my daughter is at least as important as my own practice.

I spend so much time actively parenting her - getting her to and from day care, making sure she brushes her teeth, talking her down from tantrums, and so on. So it's really lovely to be able to just hang out with her, and to do something we both enjoy. I know she won't always want to do yoga with me, and I also know that there will be a time that she will be actively embarrassed by the fact that I do yoga in the livingroom. So I am making the most of this time that we do have, every single minute of it.

And besides. She has invented a new pose. When I lie on my back in Savasana at the end of the practice, she lies on top of me and we put our arms around each other. She calls it the "hug pose."

Why would I not want to do yoga, when this is what happens at the end of it?

Yoga Challenge, Day 22 (Part 1): Three Classes Today!

2011-11-29T14:17:00.004-05:00

Yes, three. I am going to be Gumby by the end of the day.

This time yesterday, I had only one class planned - my regular Tuesday lunch class. Then Monday kind of got away from me, as it often does, and I decided to skip my 30-30 class and make it up this morning.

Then, when I went to sign up for my usual Tuesday evening spinning class, it was already full. And I decided that because I had the time scheduled already, it would be easier to substitute something else, rather than showing up at home, messing with DH's Tuesday routine, and re-negotiating the time for another day. And my studio conveniently has a yoga class scheduled for the same time as my spin class, so that's what I decided to do. One, two, three, yoga!

And do I ever need it. This morning, I was not feeling very yoga-y. I had planned on doing a more challenging vinyasa flow, but decided I wasn't up for it, so I did a gentler back bend series instead. And I wasn't really up for that either - there were a lot of modifications and child's poses in my practice this morning. I was definitely feeling better (and stronger) by lunchtime today, so we'll see what happens this evening - either way, I expect to be sleeping very well tonight!

Yoga Challenge, Day 20: Now it's a challenge

2011-11-27T11:53:00.003-05:00

You can tell it's more of a challenge at the moment, because I've stopped chirping on about how great it is! :) It's been five days since my last post, which is the longest I've gone since I started.

I'm in the middle part now - far enough in that it's no longer a novelty, but not so close to the end that I feel like I'm in the home stretch. Also, I feel like I've had all my great revelations already, and I don't have nearly as much to say any more.

But like I said the other day, if it were easy, it wouldn't be a challenge, would it? That's why it's a 30-day challenge, rather than a 15-day. So, I'm still moving along. I've planned out which sessions I'm going to do on which days, to make sure I meet my goal of doing each session at least twice and no more than three times. And I've even taken a couple of options that I enjoy less, rather than the ones I really love, on the principle that the ones that are harder for me will probably do me more good in the long run.

And I do have another couple of blog posts percolating, but it's much harder to write when I'm not feeling passionate about it. Everything is coming along as planned, it's just all in a bit of a lull right now. Stay tuned for more shiny happy optimism later...

What Would I Focus on, if Not my Weight?

2011-11-27T11:16:00.003-05:00

Someone posted this question to the Weight Watchers boards today, and it prompted an interesting discussion. Some of the answers were:

If your weight is your biggest concern, maybe that's not so bad - you could be worrying about where you're going to sleep tonight, or how to get clean drinking water for your family.

The human brain has so much capacity for worry, if you weren't worried about your weight you would find something else to worry about.

I'd be lost. :)

These responses, while all generally true, also seemed to me to be on the pessimistic side. And because I have a favourite soap box on the topic, I hauled it out and posted this:

I don't focus on my weight.

I don't worry about portion sizes, calories, fat content, or what it says on the scale. I'm not trying to lose anything - my only weight-related goal is to maintain, and I use my clothes as my measuring tool. As long as my pants still fit, I'm good.

I wouldn't *mind* losing weight, and I do still get excited when my pants are looser. :) But honestly, if I can stay at the size I am, I'll be okay with that.

Instead, I focus on my health. I eat good food, and I make sure I get enough exercise, sleep, alone time, and quality time with my family. There are still problems in my life, and I do still worry about them, but those problems wouldn't go away even if I were to lose weight.

I know I'm lucky that not-focusing on my weight generally means maintaining for me, and I know that there are lots of people who have to focus all the time in order to avoid gaining. But since I *am* that lucky, I figure I should take advantage of it, and free up some space in my brain for other things. :)

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I'm well aware of the irony of posting things like this to the Weight Watchers message boards, of all places. And I don't expect anyone to change their minds based on what I've written. But I do keep posting them, hoping to at least plant the seed that it's really okay to not worry about your weight. It goes counter to almost all the messages we receive about ourselves and our bodies, and it's not an easy concept for some people.

But I think it's an important concept, and I'm going to keep chipping away at it.

Related reading:

Health at Every Size
Spynga and Body Love

Yoga Challenge, Day 15: Halfway there!

2011-11-22T10:18:00.002-05:00

At the time of this writing, I have fourteen sessions down, sixteen to go. Lunchtime yoga today will make it an even half.

And I think I've found my reward - more yoga! :) I've been thinking about this a lot, how to thank myself and reward myself for sticking with it. And I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing I really want right now. I know my husband is getting me jewellery of some sort for Christmas, and it's not like I need more bling in any case. I still love my orange yoga mat, and haven't found another one that I like as much, even if mine did need replacing at the moment (which it doesn't.) I'm not ready for another tattoo yet. And as much as I love massages, pedicures, and the whole spa experience, it doesn't really feel like a reward to me - maybe because they're over too fast, I don't know.

So I was just beginning to think that maybe I would defer the reward to another time. And then all of a sudden this popped up in my Twitter feed. It looks perfect - because one thing I know for sure I'll need, is more options for my home practice. The ones I have are great, but I have a feeling I'll be a bit bored of them by the end of the month. Also, I'm going to need a new challenge physically. I don't expect to have mastered these ones (for example, I don't think I'll ever be able to bend my body into this position...), but they're definitely getting easier. Which is great, but I need to keep challenging myself as well!

There's also a "curvy" option for this practice, which contains modified poses for people who are less bendy for whatever reason. I think I'll probably stick with the standard version, but I do like the fact that the option is available. And my good friend P. says she'll do it with me, so I think I'm sold!

Yoga, yoga, and more yoga. Love it.

Yoga Challenge, Day 13

2011-11-20T19:55:00.003-05:00

I'm really starting to notice the physical changes in my body now. Besides the "I want to do yoga ALL THE TIME" feeling, I notice that the whole practice is getting easier. I can focus less on the poses, and more on the breath. I still don't always *remember* to focus on the breath, but it's definitely easier when I do. Baby steps.

My flexibility is really coming along as well. For the first time ever, I can touch the ground in a standing forward bend. And with a little more effort and a little more time in the pose, I can hold on to the soles of my feet in a seated forward bend. And I can also touch the ground with my bottom hand in triangle pose - another new reach for me.

Of course, this is the first time I've ever practiced so consistently, and so often - it's not surprising that I'm seeing results. I'm just pleased to be able to answer the question of how long it takes to see the changes - I've never actually known that before.

The biggest thing that I'm still working on, is getting my hips up enough to go directly from downward dog to a lunge without standing up and readjusting. I've never been able to do that either, and I would be thrilled if I could get a measurable amount closer by the time I finish this challenge.

I've also discovered that some poses are easier at different times of the day. I can't do a downward dog first thing in the morning. It's uncomfortable, I'm not strong enough, it makes me angry - it just doesn't work. But the few times I've done an evening practice, I notice that I have a wicked down dog - the stretch, the strength, the stability, are all just there. Twists are also a lot easier in the evening, but they feel so good in the morning - they're my new favourite way to start the day.

I don't know why this happens, either on the purely physical level, or on the mind-body-connection level. But I find it fascinating to observe. More observations to come, no doubt...one thing I know for sure, is that I'm really enjoying this!

Yoga Challenge, Day 10: Back on Track

2011-11-17T22:00:00.004-05:00

The DVD remote is fixed. Or to be more precise, it started working again, just as mysteriously as it had stopped. I still have no idea what happened, all I did was push the same buttons over and over again until it worked. Doesn't matter - the important thing is that it's back!

And here's something else I didn't expect - how much I would love this, once I got into it. I've said that before, only half-joking: ha ha, who knew I would actually learn to like exercising! But this time it's different - it's like I really have become addicted to yoga. I think about it ALL the time. When I'm bored or stressed or I have five minutes to spare, I wonder if I could do some yoga. Between sessions, I'm always thinking ahead to the next one. And there have been several occasions where I've wondered if it would be unreasonable to do a second session in a day.

I have enjoyed doing yoga for as long as I've known about it, and I did expect to get more "into" it as the challenge progressed. But I really didn't anticipate the depth of my feelings for my practice, or to have it take up so much mental energy even when I wasn't doing it.

I wonder what will happen after the challenge. I assume I won't make such an effort to continue with a daily practice - but at the same time, this really hasn't been much of an effort so far anyway. Will I continue with a regular practice, if not a daily one? Will I miss it, if I don't?

And now, if you'll excuse me, it's been half an hour since I finished my last session. About time I got started on my next one!

Yoga Challenge, Day 9: We Are Experiencings Some Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By

2011-11-16T14:59:00.004-05:00

Now this was something I didn't anticipate - my DVD player crapped out on me this morning. Or rather, the remote control did - I can't scroll through menu options any more. The Play button works, as do Stop and Eject. But the arrow buttons don't work at all, which means I can only do the first option from any given menu.

I tried turning the power off and on, ejecting and re-inserting the DVD, changing the batteries in the remote, and every other thing I can think of. And nothing.

It worked just fine on Monday, so I have no idea what happened in the meantime. All I know is that I hope it sorts itself out very soon, as it effectively reduces my practice options from 11 to 4 if I can't use the menus. I'll still do the challenge, but I may have to revisit the rules for how many times I do each session. Boo. BOO, I say!

~~~~~~~~~~

Related Reading: Just by chance, I have come across a couple of interesting posts about gender and body norms when it comes to yoga.

In What's the Deal with Guys and Yoga?, Fit and Feminist wonders why so few men do yoga, and so few women are willing to lift weights. She comments:

There is nothing inherently masculine or feminine about yoga, or weight lifting, or running, or pink or blue or cooking or household tools or really much of anything, for that matter.

And over at The Lipstick Chronicles, we find An Open Letter to the Fat Girl I Saw at Hot Yoga in New York City, which is so beautifully written it makes me cry, and so true that I want to repost it every day.

Yoga Challenge, Day 6

2011-11-13T11:32:00.002-05:00

Just finished the "Hip Openers" sequence from Rodney Yee's AM Yoga for Your Week. This is my absolute favourite of all the sessions I have, so I'm very glad that I made the rule about doing each one at least twice, and no more than three times. Otherwise, I might find myself doing it every day! :)

I did NOT want to do yoga last night. It was the end of a very long day - I had spinning class, then DD had ballet and a play date with some kids from the neighbourhood. The toilet was blocked, and DH and I got into a big argument about ten minutes before I had planned to start my yoga. All I wanted to do was go to bed and hide.

Then I realized that it was then that I needed the yoga the most. After all that busy-ness, and stress of one kind and another, I really needed the discipline and routine. And I didn't want to bail on the challenge so early, especially for a stupid reason like being in a bad mood. So, I got out of bed, put on the video, and did it.

Obviously, that's where the challenge comes in. Doing it every day when I want to do it, is easy. I can't give myself a whole lot of credit for that one. But pushing myself a little bit, and talking myself back into it after I have already talked myself out of it - that is the important part. And the whole point of the challenge, really - after all, 25 minutes of gentle stretching is not much of a physical challenge for me. It's the mental challenge that I need, so I'm very glad I gave myself the push and stuck with it.

Yoga Challenge, Day 4

2011-11-11T12:09:00.006-05:00

Today I did the "Daily Connection" (60 mins) session from Hemalaya Behl's Yoga for Urban Living. Loved it. It's very slow - much slower than my brain was going, and I was kind of racing through it. Kept going "Oh, I know what's coming next!", and then going there, and having to wait for her to catch up. :) It's not quite yin yoga, but it's very meditative. Which is clearly going to be part of the challenge for me, slowing my brain down enough to enjoy the meditation!

I really did like this session, though. It was just the right level for me - I could do most of the poses fairly easily, and a couple of them were just a bit too challenging. Especially the pigeon-downward dog series - this is one of my favourites, but I always have trouble lifting my hips up enough to get my leg forward. I think I'm going to save my second try at this session to near the end of the challenge, as a bit of a benchmark to see how much I have improved physically.

And I was thinking, as my mind was racing through my yoga practice. I love the Warrior II pose. I love doing it, and I love how beautiful and strong it always looks. And I think it would make a gorgeous tattoo. I don't know if it's necessarily the right reward for this challenge, but something to think about for the future, at any rate.

Namaste.

30/30 Yoga Challenge

2011-11-10T12:25:00.012-05:00

I'm always looking around for a new challenge, something to occupy me outside of work. And parenting. (You'd think those two things would be enough, no? Apparently not.)

Traditionally, my challenges have been mental. I'm a big education-addict, and there was a period where I was registered in one continuing education course after another, pretty much year round. That ended when I decided to go back to school "for real" and get another Masters degree - not because I needed it, but because I thought it would be fun. (It was. I didn't end up getting the degree, but I did enjoy the work I put in!)

Lately, my challenges have been more physical. I did a couple of Learn to Run courses, where the only thing I learned is that I really hate running. Spinning, spinning, more spinning. Getting up early in the morning to do yoga before work. And as I've written before, I'm really enjoying it. I'm feeling a lot of benefits - my posture has improved, my lungs feel bigger, and my emotional state is a lot more balanced. It's working.

Then yesterday, I got talking with some friends about a 30/30 yoga challenge - 30 classes in 30 days. And you know, I think I can do it. I don't know of any local studios that are offering it right now, but I think the time and money commitment would be hard to manage at this point anyway. But I do have a bunch of yoga DVDs at home, and I have been doing reasonably well about getting out of bed early in the mornings, so why not push it a bit from there?

So, I'm in. Here are the rules:

~I'm cheating a bit, and back-dating it to Tuesday 8th, because that was the last consecutive day I did yoga. So the challenge will go from November 8th to December 7th, 2011.

~I have 8 short programs (20-25 minutes each), and 3 long programs (45-60 minutes) at home. I will do each program at least twice, and no more than three times. I will do one of the long ones at least once a week.

~If I miss a day, I can make it up either the day before or the day after. No more than one missed/made up class per week.

~And because this is a mental challenge as much as a physical one (especially when that alarm goes off at 5:45 am!), I will blog about it at least once a week as well.

Also, I'm going to need a reward of some sort. Something tangible, I think, because I can never find the time to go for massages or pedicures. Maybe a brand new yoga mat, or some other treat for the yoga retreat I plan to go on in January. Maybe a nice piece of jewellery. Maybe...???

And there we go. I'm not going to put out a call for anyone to join me, because I'm kind of a hermit that way, and I'd really rather do it alone. But anyone who wants to cheer me on from the sidelines is more than welcome! :) I'll keep you posted...

Why I Couldn't Do Yoga This Morning, and Why That's Totally Okay With Me

2011-11-07T09:36:00.002-05:00

Yoga this morning was a bit of a non-starter. First, the program was way too advanced for me. Second, and more importantly, DD came downstairs part way through and wanted to do it too.

Picture a three year old doing downward dog in yellow footie sleepers. "This is easy, Mummy - look!"

She's just way too cute for me to focus on my own practice. Still, I think it's a pretty good tradeoff, and I wouldn't have it any other way. ♥

Surprise! It's Our Wedding!

2011-11-04T15:42:00.000-04:00

Back in August, there was a quote-unquote so romantic! story in the news about a man who surprised his girlfriend by planning their entire wedding. They had talked about getting married in Las Vegas and announcing it after the fact, but in reality he was doing all the planning himself. He asked her questions about who they should invite to their "dream wedding", what the decor would be, what kind of songs she would like, and so on. Then he did everything, including lining up vendors, a venue, and all the guests, and surprised her as she walked into the room. Surprised her as in, "Will you marry me? Right now?" Then everybody applauded, her friends (who were in on the secret) whisked her backstage to get dressed, and they walked down the aisle.

Public response to this event was generally either "Oh, I love surprises! Isn't it so romantic and thoughtful of him!" or "Wow, she didn't get any say at all into her own wedding? That's kind of creepy and weird." I fall squarely in the "creepy and weird" category: I just wouldn't want to be put in a position like that, where the options are to say yes, or to face massive public humiliation (and to humiliate many of the people I love in the process.) Most of what I read on the "not cool" side happened here.

Today's Globe and Mail has a related story, about a couple who surprised their guests, instead of each other. Invited them to a party, then said "Hey, guess what! We're getting married! Right now!" And as part of the whole theme of "surprise weddings," they interviewed Shawn and Colleen Lippert about his choice to plan the whole wedding as a surprise.

Turns out, planning a wedding wasn't as much fun as he first thought:

With the benefit of hindsight, Mr. Lippert said he wouldn’t recommend any man plan a wedding for his bride, let alone a surprise wedding.

“It’s a lot of work and stress. I took all that pressure away from her. She even slept that night – I didn’t.”

So I guess now we're supposed to think he's a hero, for taking all that pressure away from her? For losing a night of sleep for her? When she hadn't even asked him to, and had no idea what was going on?

Did it ever occur to him that maybe she would have enjoyed planning the wedding? That maybe she wanted that last night of staying awake all night with excitement?

Basically, that whole quote says to me "Wow, I am so fantastic. I took on a woman's job, and it's hard! Guys, don't do this, you might end up losing some sleep!" Not "don't do this, because your girlfriend might not want you to," but "don't do it because it's best left to the ladies, let them have all the pressure and stress."

Terrific. Very romantic. Ugh.

My Heart Grew Three Sizes Today

2011-11-02T21:45:00.000-04:00

We have had a heck of a time with DD (now 3 1/2) these past couple of weeks - tantrum after tantrum after tantrum, refusing to get dressed in the morning, refusing to get undressed at night. Last night there was a 45 minute tantrum, and a 30 minute tantrum, and she was still up when we went to bed at 10:00.

Today, she has been lovely. Her usual cheerful, funny, engaging little self. She still tried to delay going to bed, but this time it was the fun stuff - drawing us pictures that she JUST HAD to show us, telling stories, making up silly words to songs, etc. (Which is actually harder in its way, because you don't want her to stop, but you still have to be the adult and get her to bed.)

She's been upstairs and quiet for about an hour now. Then just a minute ago, I heard her get out of bed and start coming down the stairs. I braced myself for the request for more milk, or just one more song, or whatever. She came into the kitchen, and said "Mummy? Thank you for my new pyjamas."

And then went back upstairs.

Damn, she's cute. I love her so much. ♥

Putting away the scale

2011-10-31T10:46:00.003-04:00

I'm not especially motivated by the scale when it comes to fitness and health. My goal is not to lose weight, but to be active and healthy, regardless of what I weigh. Nevertheless, I've been in the habit of getting on the scale once a week, just to keep myself on track.

But lately, it's been making me crazy. I maintained at around 213 through most of my mat leave - sometimes more, sometimes less, but always in that general area. Then last Monday, I was up to 219 for no reason at all that I could think of. I had been making generally the same food choices as always, I wasn't retaining water or getting my period, or anything else. Just, I suddenly weighed six pounds more than I had for the past several months.

I weighed myself again yesterday - 214. All is well. Then today (my quote-unquote "official" weigh in day), I was up to 218. I don't know what you would have to do to gain four pounds in twenty four hours, but I'm quite sure I didn't do it, whatever it was!

Then I went to get dressed, and my pants are too big. Yay! These are pants that I bought to go back to work, so they definitely fit as recently as six weeks ago. And they're definitely too loose today. Which, given all the spinning and yoga I've been doing, makes a whole lot more sense to me than what the scale told me.

So I hid the scale. From now on, no more weighing. I'm going to keep exercising, and keep making healthy food choices, and I'll know I've lost weight when I can fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes.

Language Pet Peeves

2011-10-25T12:15:00.004-04:00

I see lots of posts on the internet about people's pet language peeves - about how irritating it is when other people say "irregardless" or "I seen" or "their" when they really mean "there." Not to mention typos - gods in heaven, don't let there be any typos in online conversation!

So let me put it out there - my biggest pet peeve is when people correct other people's use of language.

Sometimes it is necessary. For example, if the person is a student of English, and they have a teacher whose job it is to correct their language. Or if the writing is so garbled that it can't be understood, then obviously they need some help - not for the sake of correctness, but for the sake of clarity.

But otherwise, I don't see any need for it. And not only is it unnecessary, it's also incredibly patronizing and insulting, for a number of reasons.

First, not everybody speaks English as their first language, and it's a difficult language to learn - even native speakers often get tripped up by the examples noted above.

Also, I have a university education, and I read a TON. Not everybody does, and I recognize how privileged I am to have the education, the access to printed materials, and the time to read them. It feels snobbish to me to assume that everyone can or should have the same level of fluency as I do. I happen to be good at language in the same way that other people happen to be good at sports, which I am not. I won't judge you for your language ability, if you don't judge me for my athletic ability, okay?

Finally, I have decided that there are way more important things to worry about. I just don't have the brain space to worry about the difference between "their" and "there" when somebody else is using it. As long as I can understand what they're saying, I'm all good.

Related reading:

Equality 101: Standard English Privilege and Teaching
Feminism is Not a Four Letter Word: Privilege, Education, and Language
Shitty First Drafts: Why I'm Not Proud of You For Correcting Other People's Grammar

Better today

2011-10-19T13:39:00.004-04:00

I did go to spinning last night. And boy, did I ever need it. As soon as I settled onto the bike, my body went "aha! This is what I've been looking for!" Had a great workout, and left feeling like I have my body back again. It's amazing how little time that takes, to get into the routine of exercise, and to start missing it when it doesn't happen.

Did a light yoga session again this morning, and I'm feeling good. One of the things I'm really enjoying this time around is the feeling that I'm doing it right. Most of the time, I'm a little sore after a workout - not so sore that I can't move, and not actually hurting, but just enough that I know I've moved my muscles, and maybe done something I hadn't done before.

My lungs feel bigger, and my posture feels straighter, and I feel very easy in my body these days. Who knew, those exercise people were right - it does feel good!

Yoga - I'm getting it! Or not.

2011-10-19T13:25:00.002-04:00

One thing about the internet, is that there are way too many places to post things. And also, most of them are ephemeral - everything seems to scroll to the latest post, which is also assumed to be the greatest. When something is more than a couple of days old, it's as good as gone. You can't search content on Facebook at all, and there's just so much noise on Twitter that it's difficult to find a specific signal sometimes when you want it.

So one of the things I'm going to do on my blog, is repost some of my thoughts from various other places on the web. There is no method to my madness, other than it's a more permanent - and searchable - place to keep things I want to remember.

So, without further ado...

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October 11, 2011

Lunchtime yoga, done.

And I had a bit of an epiphany when I was hanging out there in downward dog. I've been doing yoga on and off for years - sometimes more off than on, but I've been pretty regular the last couple of months. And it's like, all of a sudden, I GET it - the connection between the mind and the body, using your breath to modify the poses, the meditative aspect of it all - it all just clicked for me.

Now, I know enough about both yoga and meditation to know that the feeling doesn't usually last, and that I could well be spending the next six months chasing it again. But for right now, today, it's all coming together for me, and it's working.

October 18, 2011

Remember how last week I was all excited that my yoga had "clicked?" And remember how I said I didn't think the feeling would last? I was right. I did NOT have it today. I did the whole class, but it didn't work. The breath didn't work, the poses didn't work, and I couldn't find a stretch, ever. Mostly I just couldn't get out of my head enough to enjoy myself.

But. I DID it. And I'm going to spinning tonight, and I'll do a light yoga session tomorrow morning. I'll get it back, sooner or later.

Mindful eating

2011-10-12T13:19:00.005-04:00

As I noted below, I'm not actually trying to lose weight. I'm trying to eat well, and get lots of exercise, and improve my overall health. (But I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't be sad if I dropped a couple of pounds along the way!)

Eating "well", of course, is a very subjective thing. It depends on your lifestyle, how much time you have, how much money you have, your level of interest, and a dozen other things. It varies from person to person, and from day to day within the same person.

That said, here's what "eating well" means to me, most of the time. If I can keep this up say 85% of the time, I should be able to manage the other 15% without worrying about it too much. These guidelines are a combination of WW's Good Health Guidelines and Canada's Food Guide, plus a bit of my own intuition.

5-7 servings fruit and vegetables (this seems to be the hardest one for me - the others come pretty easily most days. I am a work in progress.)

6 servings grain products, whole grains as much as possible

2 servings dairy

2 servings lean protein

2 tsp healthy oils (olive, canola, sunflower, safflower, flaxseed)

1.5 litres water

Multivitamin

Limit sugar and alcohol

30-60 minutes of physical activity

While following the above guidelines, I also try to practice mindful eating. This is what it means to me:

Eat only when actually hungry; stop when satisfied.

Avoid eating when bored, sad, or just wandering into the kitchen.

Limit snacking - eat only at planned mealtimes or when actually hungry.

Try drinking water or a ten-minute distraction if feeling "hungry" at non-meal times.

Stay off the internet when eating!

The "stop when satisfied" thing isn't actually all that hard for me, if I'm paying attention. The key thing is to remember to pay attention!

One of the cool tips I've learned is that your body will let out a little involuntary sigh when you've had enough to eat. (I actually sigh three times - it's pretty unmistakeable, if I'm paying attention!) So the key there is to a) listen for the sigh, and b) stop eating when you hear it. It takes practice, but it's a really interesting little cue to know what your body is up to.

Getting up and moving

2011-10-12T12:58:00.006-04:00

One of the things about making friends on the Weight Watchers message boards is that by default, most of your friends are trying to lose weight at any given time. (Of course, this could also be said of the general population of women, but that's a topic for another post.) And most of the time, I'm happy to just hang out, cheer on their successes, offer support when necessary, all without trying to lose any weight myself.

You see, I also spend a lot of time in the lefty feminist blogosphere, and one of the themes that really speaks to me there is Health At Every Size - the idea that weight does not necessarily correlate to health, and that diet and exercise do not necessarily correlate to weight. That just makes more sense to me than the constant theme of Weight Loss! Weight Loss! Weight Loss! that we hear so many other places. After all, I can control what I eat, and I can control how much exercise I get, but I can't control what my body does in response - especially after having two children, weight loss for me is just not the same as it was seven years ago when I first started WW.

Now, a bunch of my friends are suddenly having all kinds of success, both at WW and in the exercise department. A lot of them are running, and while you couldn't pay me to join them on the trails, there's no reason that I can't be inspired to start up my own exercise routine again. I can't explain it, but I feel like I've suddenly found my mojo - all of a sudden I'm going to spinning class a couple of times a week, and doing yoga, and lifting weights. The scale hasn't moved an ounce in response to all that, and I can't say that my clothes are any looser either, but I'm doing it, and I feel fit and happy and awesome about it.

Further thoughts on "bad" parenting

2010-06-15T10:42:00.003-04:00

I've blogged about this before, and to be honest I'm not sure that I have anything new to say on the subject. But it keeps coming up - people I love and respect keep referring to themselves as "bad" parents, and I keep ranting about it.

So here we are, today's edition of the "We're not bad parents!" rant. Prompted by a discussion in another online space, which you can read here if you want.

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I find we use this word a lot - not just here on the boards, but in real life as well, lots of people refer to themselves as "bad" parents. Or, I should be more specific - lots of WOMEN refer to themselves as bad parents. I don't think I've ever heard a man say that about himself.

The thing is, most of us really are not bad parents. Most of us are just muddling through, having good days and bad days, making mistakes, and second guessing ourselves, just like everybody else. And that doesn't make us bad parents, it just makes us...parents.

IMO, unless you are actively abusing or neglecting your child, there is no way you're a bad parent. You're doing your best, right? How can that be bad?

Also, would you ever say that about someone else, that she is a bad mother, just because she parents differently than you do? Again, with exceptions for active abuse and neglect - but just ordinary, run of the mill, everyday parenting. I bet you don't - most of us are a lot easier on other people, than we are on ourselves.

So I vote we stop being so judgemental of our own parenting styles, and stop being so hard on ourselves. Accept that we are all doing our best, and that we are all imperfect, both as parents and as human beings.

And that's all okay, there's nothing "bad" about it.

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame...

2010-06-15T10:28:00.002-04:00

So there's this football match going on, with lots of countries playing, and apparently it's pretty important. So people get understandably upset when "their" team loses, or lets in an easy goal, or whatever. And the natural human tendency is to assign blame, to determine whose "fault" it is that that goal went in the net.

And apparently, in the case of England vs America on Monday, it's a woman's fault. It seems that the English goalkeeper was so upset about his recent breakup with his girlfriend, that he just couldn't keep his mind on the game. Obviously. It can't be his fault, he couldn't possibly have taken his eye off the ball for a split second, or it couldn't possibly have taken a funny turn, or hey, the shooter couldn't just have beat him, fair and square. Nope, it has to be the fault of a woman.

She probably has never played professional football in her life, and she certainly wasn't on the field at the time. And still, it's all her fault that that little tiny ball went in that big giant net that day.

Obviously.

These are the people in your neighbourhood

2010-03-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

Every morning as I walk DD to daycare, I see the same man.

He has three grocery carts, piled as high as physics will allow, and a bundle buggy. He moves one of the carts half a block or so, then goes back for another one, and so on.

I assume he's homeless, as he's very scruffy and disheveled. But he also seems to be reasonably clean, so I wonder if he does have some place to stay at night, or some access to a shower at least.

He seems to be "all there" mentally - he always says hi, and sometimes we chat about the weather or whatever while I'm waiting for the stoplight.

What I'm really curious about, though, is that I always see him at the same time, on the same block, going in the same direction. I'm always there because I'm taking DD to day care, of course. But I really wonder about him. Does he have somewhere to go? And if he does, why does he drag all his stuff with him every time? Or if he is homeless and wandering, why does he keep such a strict routine about it?

He seems like such a nice man. I wonder what his story is, and what led him to be walking east on St Clair every morning at 8:00 with three grocery carts and a bundle buggy.

Men win quarterfinal hockey game! In other news, women are hot! Oh, and they won a couple of medals, too.

2010-02-25T13:21:00.004-05:00

(Dear Toronto Star)

I am writing to convey my extreme disappointment with the Star's coverage of the Olympics, especially the events of Wednesday February 24. Canadian women won no fewer than four medals that day - an outstanding result by any measure. And yet, the front page of thestar.com featured a large photo of the men's quarterfinal hockey game, and a prominent article about the Russian team's response to the game.

The women's results were buried in two much smaller photographs - not only below the fold, but below Rosie DiManno's degrading column "Best Babes of the Games."

At 12:52 pm, I checked thestar.com again, only to find that the women's medal results had been bumped off the front page entirely, while the hockey picture - and the "Best Babes" column - remained.

The visual impact of this layout is that men's sports are more important than women's, no matter the result, and no matter if a medal was even awarded for the game. Not only that, but these women should first be prized for their beauty, and only then recognized for their athletic achievement.

There is more to these games than the men, and there is more to these Games than hockey. Women have won 11 of 15 Canadian medals to date, and they are still reduced to "Best Babes" status, far less important than a men's quarterfinal hockey game. This kind of reporting does a disservice not only to all of our Olympic athletes, but also to the credibility of the Star itself as an unbiased news source.

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I'm furious about this. Bad enough that the women's athletic results rank below the men's, but to then place them below a "Best Babes" column is really outrageous. The really sad thing, though, is that it's not just the Star doing it - newspapers across the country are displaying this same layout. (Minus at least the "Best Babes," anyway...)

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips, Guaranteed to Work

2009-12-01T14:09:00.002-05:00

I can't take credit for this one, it actually comes from a site called No, Not You. Love the text, but the graphic design is making me a little nuts! :) So I'm reposting here, because it should absolutely be shared.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

You know you're an adult when...

2009-11-23T10:05:00.004-05:00

...your kid throws up in the car.

I don't drive often, maybe half a dozen times a year. So I'm always a bit nervous about it, just because I don't have enough practice to be really confident.

A few weeks ago, I had borrowed my parents' car (eep!) which they are trying to sell (eep!), and was driving home with my daughter in the back seat. And all of a sudden I heard a distinctive little "brup" sound coming from behind me. Oh, no...but okay, it's just a little tiny bit of vomit, and we're almost home, she should be okay for a few minutes...

Then...brup...brup...BRUP...BRUUUUP...waaaah!!!

Right, then. This is no longer a small amount of puke, this is a whole lot of puke. Like, a LOT. And it's all over her. And there's no way I can leave her like that till we get home, she'll have her hands all in it, and who knows what.

I turned onto a side street, and found a safe place to park. And honestly, my first thought after that was to call my mom for help. Then I thought I'd call my husband for help. And then reality set in, and all of a sudden I was in charge, I was the mom who had to deal with the situation, all by myself.

I'm proud to say that I did deal with it, and everything was fine. (The car is still unsold, but I'm pretty sure that's just a coincidence...) But you know those moments, when you realize 100% for sure that you're a grownup? This was one of them.

And then...

...your kid has a meltdown at (someone else's) birthday party.

DD had a rough night on Friday night. Or rather, she had a fine night, with an extended playtime between midnight and 3:00 am. She was perfectly happy, it was her dad and I who had the rough night! Then she woke up at 6:15 am on Saturday morning - likely due to the bottle and a half of milk we pumped into her in the middle of the night, trying to get her back to sleep. Her diaper, pyjamas, sheets, everything was soaked, so no wonder she couldn't sleep anymore.

And then, she didn't have a nap all day. And we had a birthday party to go to on Saturday evening.

So needless to say, I was on high alert for any signs of an impending meltdown, just in case we had to put the cake down and get the hell out of Dodge.

She was fine, for a while. The party was at an indoor playground, and she had a wonderful time playing in the ball pit and on the rocking horses. But the jig was eventually up, and she started getting fussy and crabby. DD is pretty quiet, most of the time. But when she's done, she is DONE, and she gets pretty loud.

I don't think the other parents were judging me, or at least not judging-judging, but I do assume they were watching me (how could they not be, when DD was screaming her head off?). And if they're anything like me, they would have been partly sympathetic (thank goodness that's not my kid, but I've been there, I know what it's like) and partly evaluating (oh, that's a good idea what that mom said/ oh, I don't think I would have said that...)

Again, I think I handled things pretty well. But there's nothing like Parenting in a room full of other parents - especially parents who are strangers - to make you hyper-aware of your own parenting style, and that even if you don't feel like a grownup, you better be darn sure you're acting like one...

Cute Toddler Brag

2009-10-09T12:41:00.001-04:00

It's pouring rain here in Toronto. So when I left this morning, I got all suited up in my new MEC gear (yay!), and got DD all ready with the rain shield for her stroller. Her feet stick out the bottom of the cover, so I even took the extra step of covering her legs with a garbage bag and a towel to keep her dry.

About halfway through our walk to day care, I realized that I was getting some funny looks from passers-by. Some of them were smiling at DD (not unusual), and some of them were giving me the She's A Bad Mom look (very unusual). So I went to the front of the stroller to see what was going on. Turns out DD had squirmed her way out from under the rain guard, and was sitting right forward at the front of the stroller in the rain. Soaked to the skin, and happy as anything!

Silly little duck. (But at least her feet were dry, lol!)

Beautiful image, and a compliment

2009-09-18T13:40:00.002-04:00

I was chatting with one of the little girls on my street the other day - I think she's about 7 or 8. She asked what my DD's name is, and I told her. Then she asked what her last name is, and I told her that.

She repeated both names, thought about it for a second, and said "That sounds like a lake."

What a lovely thing to say!

Blogging for Choice (repost)

2009-09-14T15:58:00.004-04:00

(This was posted on my original blog, which I have since shut down. I am reposting it here as my submission to the October 2009 edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting.)

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January 28th 2008 marks the 20th anniversary of the Morgenthaler decision, which declared that it is unconstitutional to force a woman to carry a fetus to term. This is a very big deal, of course, but there is still a question of semantics to be decided…as I understand it, the decision did not so much legalize abortion as make it not-illegal – and a woman’s right to an abortion is still not guaranteed in Canada.

To celebrate this decision – and to help ensure that the issues remain in the public eye – Canadian pro-choice bloggers have declared January 22nd “Blog for Choice” day. As always, a big thanks to Antonia for the idea, and my contribution follows.

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As you know, I have a healthy, happy fetus kicking around in my uterus right now, distracting me from all sorts of other important things that I should be doing. And as you also know, this was a planned pregnancy – so it’s safe to assume that I would never have considered terminating it, even for one second.

But a lot of that is down to luck, and to my particular combination of circumstances. I’m tremendously lucky to have a loving, supportive partner, who is as excited as I am, and who can’t wait to be a father. I’m also lucky to have loving supportive family and friends nearby, and lucky to have enough money to raise this child into adulthood. She won’t be getting a car for her 16th birthday (although if all goes well, her dad and I might just be able to afford one for ourselves by then!), but she will have food, clothing, school trips, Christmas presents, and everything else she needs.

So I’m immensely lucky as a parent…but of course my daughter is going to be the recipient of tremendous good fortune as well. Not only the supportive family and friends mentioned above, but she will also have plenty of food and clean drinking water running freely in her home. And not only will she have this clean water available for drinking and cooking, but she will be able to pour litres and litres of it down the drain as she takes a shower or flushes the toilet. In fact, my daughter will be flushing the toilet with cleaner water than most of the world has to drink – and I hope we can raise her to understand what a privilege that is.

She will also have access to some of the best taxpayer-funded education and healthcare in the world, and if she chooses to go to university, she will have both the rights and the means to make that happen.

But what if you’re not so lucky? What if you’re too young, too poor, too sick, to be able to raise a child? What if you already have six kids, or you live in a country where you don’t have access to enough food, water, or medical care? It’s hard work, this parenting thing, and not everyone has the emotional or financial wherewithal to handle it.

Of course adoption is always an option as well. But I’m discovering that pregnancy itself is also very hard work – there’s nausea, fatigue, a thousand different kinds of discomfort, crazy hormonal surges, and of course the financial cost of replacing your entire wardrobe as your body expands.

Plus you have to take a ton of time off work for doctor’s appointments. My pregnancy is about as low-risk as they come, and still in the past five months I’ve had six medical appointments and four ultrasounds. And more are scheduled for down the line as well. Apart from one of the ultrasounds, that’s about the minimum that anyone in Ontario would have – and of course, all these appointments take place during regular 9-5 working hours, which means I’m taking time away from my job to attend. So once again, I’m one of the lucky ones – not only a low-risk pregnancy that requires minimal medical attention, but I have a salaried job and an understanding boss who doesn’t mind all the time I’m taking off as long as my work gets done. Not to mention that I don’t have to pay for all these appointments – I can’t imagine living in the United States or some place where these costs would all come out of my own pocket.

Or even living in Canada, where the health care costs are covered – not everyone can take the time away from work like I am. There are many many women out there who work for an hourly wage, and who don’t get time off for medical appointments, and who don’t get paid if they don’t put in the hours. And how many of these women are already using their entire hourly wage to support their families? Would they be able to afford the financial costs of pregnancy, let alone child rearing?

I know exactly how lucky I am to be in the position that I am in, and to be able to say with confidence that I never considered terminating this pregnancy. But not everyone is as well off as I am – and even I have not always been where I am today. If I had gotten pregnant, say, ten years ago, my circumstances would have been entirely different. I was still in school, still living paycheque to paycheque, and although I can’t remember who my boyfriend was at the time, I can guarantee that neither of us was at all ready for parenthood. If had gotten pregnant then, would I have had an abortion? I don’t know what I would have done, but I do know that I would at least have considered it.

And I would have considered myself lucky, even then, to have had the option of not continuing the pregnancy, and of avoiding the huge financial and emotional costs of bearing a child that I was not equipped to raise at that point in my life.

It's too early for the terrible twos, isn't it?

2009-06-29T10:01:00.000-04:00

My charming, cheerful, giggly 13-month old turned into a terrible two-year old - overnight!

She had a full-on temper tantrum this morning, complete with screaming, crying, and general theatrics. When it was finally over and we were on our way to day care, I bumped into a neighbour who lives behind us and 5-6 houses down the street. When I told her about the tanrum, she said "Oh! So it was H that I heard!" (Let me tell you, that kid can YELL.)

Anyway. The reason I'm giving myself a gold star is that I think I handled it quite well, all things considered. I was reading just the other day about the phrase "when you do X, I'll know you're ready for Y." So I tried it - "when you stop screaming, I'll know you're ready for a hug." I kept a discreet eye on her to make sure she wasn't hurting herself, then went about my business getting ready for work.

Every few minutes, I repeated the same phrase, then when she did stop screaming, I picked her up and gave her a hug. I had to repeat it a couple of times, because I had to keep putting her back on the floor (can't blowdry my hair while holding her, for example!). But on the whole, I think I did pretty well - at least I laid the groundwork for "screaming is not an acceptable way to get Mummy's attention."

Ohhh, it's going to be a long two years, though! :)

My smart girl

2009-06-11T10:32:00.000-04:00

Clearly, I have the smartest little one-year-old in the world (with apologies to all the moms who have the second-smartest!)

We have a little wooden book of farm animals, with a chicken and a magnet attached - there's a little piece of metal on each page to stick the magnet to. We were reading the book yesterday, and I showed her how to use the magnet, and she got it! That is, she knew that if she just put the chicken on the page, it should slide off. And she knew that something was weird, when I put it on the metal bit and it *didn't* slide off!

Yay, for clever girls who figure things out! :)

Everybody's talking about...being a bad parent

2009-06-07T13:40:00.006-04:00

I put the day care story (in 140 characters or less) on my Twitter that morning, and that led to a whole series of conversations with other moms, about "good vs bad" parenting.

Earlier that day, I had been reading @phdinparenting's thoughts on the subject, here: http://bit.ly/X0qT The gist of that article is that you are not a perfect parent, but you should be a confident one.

So the next day, when I was Tweeting about my adventures, I referenced @phdinparenting, and told her that I had "very confidently" left DD at daycare. (I amuse myself, if no one else...)

She referred me to this post by @kgranju, who had done the same thing, and blogged about it: http://bit.ly/jQKQi . She had some interesting thoughts about the idea of "bad" parenting, namely that people who blog about their parenting mistakes are in a special position, as their readers will generally jump on board and assure them that yes, everyone does things like this, and no, they are not bad parents.

But just because the blogosphere says so, does that make it true? In her case, and in mine, we were lucky that we had left our kids in safe places, and there were no negative consequences other than our own embarrassment and some logistical hassles. But even good parents can be catastrophically unlucky, and it's often a very thin line between "good" parents and "bad" ones.

Then a timely article in the Toronto Star about how we are using the label "bad" as a backlash against the idea of the "perfect" parent. This is where I, and most of my friends, fall when we use the term.

We tend to mean it sort of semi-ironically, as a tip of the hat to the idea of the “perfect” mother. The “what would the neighbours think,” or “gasp - that’s not what it says in the baby book!” kind of thing.

For example, my girlfriend was teasing me about being a “bad” mom the other day because I was letting my DD (1 yr) feed herself dried cranberries and sunflower seeds. Because They Say that kids shouldn’t have small foods like that until they’re 2, or 4, or whatever age. We laughed, and agreed that yes, I’m clearly a Bad Mom.

But the thing is, she would never tease me about the things that she genuinely disagrees with. For example, we still go in to DD when she cries in the night. She does sleep through occasionally, but not regularly, and we’re fine with that for now. My friend was a big proponent of the cry-it-out method, and tells me that her girls were sleeping through the night quite young.

But we don’t ever talk about those differences in terms of “good” or “bad” parenting. In fact, we hardly talk about it at all. We sort of dance around the topic if it comes up, but then go back to safer ground.

So for us, we only use the label “bad” when it’s quite clear that we don’t mean it. If there’s any chance at all that we could be seen as judging each other’s choices, or that we really do think the other one is doing something wrong, we steer clear entirely.

I find that part especially interesting - that we only really talk about aspects of parenting that we agree about, and ignore areas where we disagree. Shouldn't it be the other way around? If we really agree on something, or at least agree that it doesn't matter all that much, shouldn't that be the bit that we talk about the least? As mothers, we're all in this game together, and we should be supporting each other and each other's choices (to the extent that our children's health and safety is not at stake, of course) But I find this happens a lot - we just don't talk about things that we really don't agree with. So rather than listening to other people's point of view, and learning from them, we tend to clam up and do our own thing anyway. And we hide behind the "Bad Mom" label when we don't really mean it, even if we're thinking it quietly to ourselves when we do.

Finally, @phdinparenting weighs in again , saying

I’m going to reserve the term “bad mother” for those that are truly abusive or neglectful. That isn’t to say that I’m lining up to give “mother of the year” awards to every other type I’ve described, but I don’t think that it is helpful for me or anyone else to label someone as a bad mother if they are doing their best. Instead I think we should stop glamourizing “bad”, we should offer a helping hand to those that are struggling, we should be confident in our own parenting, and we should continue to think about how we could improve.

And that's where we stand now. None of us is a perfect parent, by any means. And I like to assume that even those who are abusing or neglecting their kids are not necessarily bad parents, or bad people. They're also doing the best they can with what they have, and maybe they just need more help than some of the rest of us? There are very, very few parents in the world who can truly be labelled "bad." Most of us are just less than perfect...just like everyone else.

June 5, 2009 - Parent of the year award, right here

2009-06-07T13:29:00.003-04:00

I forgot to pick up DD from day care last night!

DH normally picks her up, but he had his bike in for repairs and was going to get that instead after work. I knew that, but somehow forgot to translate it in my head to "it's my turn to pick up DD."

So I left work at the usual time, wandered around the grocery store for a bit, enjoyed the weather, and got home at 6:30. And nobody was home. I thought that was a bit unusual, and a bit annoying considering her bedtime is 7:00 and she still has to have dinner if they're out for a walk somewhere.

Then, the lightbulb went off.

So I phoned the DCP, told her I was on my way, and left the house in a tearing hurry. It was almost 7:00 by the time I got there...oops!!

DD was fine, of course, and the DCP was really nice about it. I offered to pay her for her time, and she said no - so I'll take her a bottle of wine on Monday to thank her instead.

And the best part, is that another friend of mine forgot to pick up her kid from day care as well yesterday, so I was giggling a bit at her Facebook status before I left work!

Ah, parenting...not for the faint of heart, that's for sure. :)

May 25, 2009 - Have you ever tried to shower with a baby?

2009-06-07T13:27:00.001-04:00

I had to shower with one hand this morning, because I was holding DD with the other.

It went like this:

I childproofed, took off her PJ's, changed her diaper, gave her a bottle and a cookie, and got into the shower. She followed me into the bathroom, as she always does.

Now that she's cruising, she pulls up on anything that will hold her weight, including the side of the bathtub. So she was standing there, trying to climb in to the tub, dropping soggy cookie crumbs all over the place, and flinging the (wet!) shower curtain around.

I thought, hey, maybe she would like to sit at the end of the tub and play with some of her bathtub toys while I have a shower. It'll be inconvenient for me to have her sitting there, but at least there won't be water all over the bathroom.

So I took off her diaper, grabbed some toys, and set her up at the end of the tub.

She did NOT think this was a good idea. She howled, and cried, and tried to climb up my legs, and carried on as if it was the end of the world. So I picked her up, and of course she stopped crying and tried to play with the water coming out of the shower.

Problem is, I was in mid-shower, both of us were naked and wet, and there was no good way of getting out to get her back into her diaper. And I didn't want her peeing on the bathroom floor.

I couldn't put her out of the shower, and she wouldn't stay on the floor in the shower, so the only option was for me to hold her with one hand, and do all my shampooing etc with the other.

Have you ever tried to shower while holding a baby? It's not easy, I can tell you. But I did it! Now all I have to do is explain to my boss why I was late for work this morning...

January 7, 2009 - first day back to work

2009-06-07T13:19:00.002-04:00

(There's going to be a lot of backdating going on here, as I sort through all the stuff that I've written but not posted over the past few months. Bear with me...)

Like a lot of moms, I had mixed emotions about going back to work after my mat leave. I was a little bit sad to be losing my time alone with DD, and a little bit excited to be getting back to the world of adults again. The good news was that DH was beginning two months paternity leave of his own, so at least we didn't have day care to add to the angst.

Even better news is that DH turned out to be a much better stay-at-home parent than I am, so I really did have nothing to worry about.

I wasn't on Twitter at the time, but I was certainly thinking in terms of Facebook statuses (stati?). In fact, I ended up narrating my entire first day of work to myself in that format! So here we go...

Megan:

...is wondering if it hurts to loosen the apron strings.

...thinks DD knows that something is up.

...is wearing a REAL BRA!

...is cleverly disguised as a fully functional human being.

...thinks that her gloves would be more effective if she actually put them on her hands.

...had forgotten how many people there are in the world, and how many of them can fit onto a subway car at rush hour.

...is glad that her office has direct access to the subway.

...has a spiffy new desk with a window. But no computer, phone, boss, or colleagues in the same department.

...is wondering what to do with herself.

...now has a computer, and is proceeding to deal with 665 new emails.

...really hates automatic soap dispensers.

...still loves her new bra!

...still doesn't have a phone, and is thinking of going home early.

JMegan has left the building

2009-06-05T13:14:00.001-04:00

But not for long, because I never can keep my opinions to myself!

I've been missing blogging lately, due in no small part to my addiction to Twitter. Getting the word out there is great, but sometimes 140 characters just isn't enough for me. (Okay, most of the time. That's why I'm here, right?)

So why not revive my original blog, and keep going from there? I thought about it, but decided against it. I've shared a lot of personal information on that blog, including full names, pictures, and other details of myself and my family. And the more I think about it, the more I've decided I'm just not comfortable with that. It was fine (~ish) when I was blogging entirely about adults, but now that I have a daughter, I have a whole new perspective on the world of online information sharing.

And here we are. I'll still talk about my family, and parenting, and my work, and feminism, and all the other things that interest me. But I will leave off names and identifying details, and ask any commenters who know me to do the same.

More to come this weekend - I have a couple of posts lined up already! Looking forward to being out there in the world again...

~JMegan