Further thoughts on "bad" parenting

I've blogged about this before, and to be honest I'm not sure that I have anything new to say on the subject. But it keeps coming up - people I love and respect keep referring to themselves as "bad" parents, and I keep ranting about it.

So here we are, today's edition of the "We're not bad parents!" rant. Prompted by a discussion in another online space, which you can read here if you want.

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I find we use this word a lot - not just here on the boards, but in real life as well, lots of people refer to themselves as "bad" parents. Or, I should be more specific - lots of WOMEN refer to themselves as bad parents. I don't think I've ever heard a man say that about himself.

The thing is, most of us really are not bad parents. Most of us are just muddling through, having good days and bad days, making mistakes, and second guessing ourselves, just like everybody else. And that doesn't make us bad parents, it just makes us...parents.

IMO, unless you are actively abusing or neglecting your child, there is no way you're a bad parent. You're doing your best, right? How can that be bad?

Also, would you ever say that about someone else, that she is a bad mother, just because she parents differently than you do? Again, with exceptions for active abuse and neglect - but just ordinary, run of the mill, everyday parenting. I bet you don't - most of us are a lot easier on other people, than we are on ourselves.

So I vote we stop being so judgemental of our own parenting styles, and stop being so hard on ourselves. Accept that we are all doing our best, and that we are all imperfect, both as parents and as human beings.

And that's all okay, there's nothing "bad" about it.

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame...

So there's this football match going on, with lots of countries playing, and apparently it's pretty important. So people get understandably upset when "their" team loses, or lets in an easy goal, or whatever. And the natural human tendency is to assign blame, to determine whose "fault" it is that that goal went in the net.

And apparently, in the case of England vs America on Monday, it's a woman's fault. It seems that the English goalkeeper was so upset about his recent breakup with his girlfriend, that he just couldn't keep his mind on the game. Obviously. It can't be his fault, he couldn't possibly have taken his eye off the ball for a split second, or it couldn't possibly have taken a funny turn, or hey, the shooter couldn't just have beat him, fair and square. Nope, it has to be the fault of a woman.

She probably has never played professional football in her life, and she certainly wasn't on the field at the time. And still, it's all her fault that that little tiny ball went in that big giant net that day.

Obviously.

These are the people in your neighbourhood

Every morning as I walk DD to daycare, I see the same man.

He has three grocery carts, piled as high as physics will allow, and a bundle buggy. He moves one of the carts half a block or so, then goes back for another one, and so on.

I assume he's homeless, as he's very scruffy and disheveled. But he also seems to be reasonably clean, so I wonder if he does have some place to stay at night, or some access to a shower at least.

He seems to be "all there" mentally - he always says hi, and sometimes we chat about the weather or whatever while I'm waiting for the stoplight.

What I'm really curious about, though, is that I always see him at the same time, on the same block, going in the same direction. I'm always there because I'm taking DD to day care, of course. But I really wonder about him. Does he have somewhere to go? And if he does, why does he drag all his stuff with him every time? Or if he is homeless and wandering, why does he keep such a strict routine about it?

He seems like such a nice man. I wonder what his story is, and what led him to be walking east on St Clair every morning at 8:00 with three grocery carts and a bundle buggy.

Men win quarterfinal hockey game! In other news, women are hot! Oh, and they won a couple of medals, too.

(Dear Toronto Star)

I am writing to convey my extreme disappointment with the Star's coverage of the Olympics, especially the events of Wednesday February 24. Canadian women won no fewer than four medals that day - an outstanding result by any measure. And yet, the front page of thestar.com featured a large photo of the men's quarterfinal hockey game, and a prominent article about the Russian team's response to the game.

The women's results were buried in two much smaller photographs - not only below the fold, but below Rosie DiManno's degrading column "Best Babes of the Games."

At 12:52 pm, I checked thestar.com again, only to find that the women's medal results had been bumped off the front page entirely, while the hockey picture - and the "Best Babes" column - remained.

The visual impact of this layout is that men's sports are more important than women's, no matter the result, and no matter if a medal was even awarded for the game. Not only that, but these women should first be prized for their beauty, and only then recognized for their athletic achievement.

There is more to these games than the men, and there is more to these Games than hockey. Women have won 11 of 15 Canadian medals to date, and they are still reduced to "Best Babes" status, far less important than a men's quarterfinal hockey game. This kind of reporting does a disservice not only to all of our Olympic athletes, but also to the credibility of the Star itself as an unbiased news source.

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I'm furious about this. Bad enough that the women's athletic results rank below the men's, but to then place them below a "Best Babes" column is really outrageous. The really sad thing, though, is that it's not just the Star doing it - newspapers across the country are displaying this same layout. (Minus at least the "Best Babes," anyway...)